friendshippng

i think it is interesting how we informally choose who we wish to keep in our life as time passes. i was just thinking about that the other day. i have a good friend named kate. i met her in college. she was the roommate of a girl i was dating at the time. i don't talk to the ex-girlfriend at this time (she's the only one i have broken contact with but that's another story), but i still keep in contact with kate.

 

we were acquaintances in school; loose friends who traveled in different circles. we didn't hang out really very much at all, but we always got along when we bumped into each other in the santa cruz universe. i graduated, she graduated, and we went out separate ways.

 

one day, after driving up from southern california to the bay area for the sole purpose of breaking up with a different girlfriend in person, i was on my way back down south when, being rather upset, i pulled off the road in santa cruz with the intent of going to watch the sunset on the beach. i was a mess, mostly because i felt like a total asshole, but a mess nonetheless.

 

i got about halfway there, thought the idea silly for some reason and made a u-turn to head back to highway-1. as soon as i turned around, i saw the flash of a profile that looked like kate, but i didn't recognize the car. it was driving in the opposite direction. in an unconscious motion, i whipped my truck around and turned to follow. i wanted to see if it was kate. it HAD to be her, i could have sworn. in fact, i think i did swear:

 

'holy shit, i think that was kate.' of course i was alone in my car so no one heard me.

 

i followed the car about two miles as it drove down to the shoreline by the lighthouse and around to the north up to natural bridges state beach where the car pulled off at the edge of the sea. i pulled into the lot and parked and walked somewhat clumsily towards the car. the door opened and sure enough it was kate. she thought someone had been following her. obviously i never learned very good super-secret tailing techniques in stalker school.

 

it was SO good to see her. she had always had a wonderful ear and a patient heart and fantastic advice. in a way, she was the perfect person i could have ran into at that time. we talked for a few minutes, watched the sun set, and i asked if she was hungry and wanted to get something to eat. i felt like i had a ten pound sack of old wet tea bags to lift off my heart. we decided on pleasure point pizza and set off.

 

i was excited. life was giving me a friend to talk to exactly when i needed one. a trusted soul. she turned left, but i wanted to take the coast road around to the pizza place so i continued straight. when i got there she was no where to be seen. that was ok, i thought, i'll just get my pizza and grab a table.

 

10 minutes. no kate.

i was a little worried. maybe something happened. i realized i didn't get her cell phone number.

 

20 minutes. no kate.

now something was definitely wrong.

 

25 minutes with no kate i tried calling information to get her number. no luck. then suddenly i panicked with a realization, called information and asked the lady on the other end for the address of pleasure point pizza.

 

which location sir? i have one in pleasure point and one on mission street in santa cruz.

 

FUCK

 

i was fumbling with my keys in the ignition and trying not to drop the pizza slice on the floor as i sped out of the parking lot back towards santa cruz. it took me 10 minutes to get across town and i bounced into the parking lot.

 

no kate.

 

all i wanted was to sit down, have a beer, and a couple of slices of pizza and talk about life. i felt betrayed by the world. the next six hours on the road were absolutely miserable. an eternity of driving though a blurred world. i was already torn up over the breakup, but the fact that i was given the opportunity to spend some time with a beautiful soul and i mucked it up was actually a more painful loss.

 

i didn't get a hold of her until about a month later, when we figured out what had happened. we finally got to share a pizza over a year later, and we got our conversation about life and love and paths through the middle. now we still keep in touch... sporadically at times, but that's how it is with friends. it's always good to hear from her.

 

there is something magical about the people we choose to keep in our lives. the relationships might have old or thin or twisted roots; they may be based on chance and happenstance, but they are important nonetheless because somehow, on some level, we choose them... and they have chosen us.