i like to spend my time thinking about things sometimes

my life sometimes feels a little bit... what's the word... amorphous.

nebulous... lacking clarity perhaps... for example: i like cottage cheese and wheat thins. i mean i really like it. i might even say that i love it, and those who know me might say, "yes, that is quite true, that guy loves his cottage cheese and wheat thins."

so, i thought, maybe that's a problem... MAYBE, i shouldn't like it so much. MAYBE i should vary my diet somewhat. MAYBE i shouldn't have two extra boxes of wheat thins my cabinet and two extra containers of cottage cheese in my fridge just to make sure i don't run out.

and so i went cold turkey.

this was a while ago, back when i lived in italia... about a year and a half ago.

i made a conscious decision to buy NEITHER cottage cheese NOR wheat thins (both of them being gateway foods you see... leading unwaveringly towards each other), and i survived. i varied my diet. i was happy.

and yet something happened and i can't quite explain it. something subtle and with a scheming laugh crawled through my mind and waited until just the right moment when i was walking down the cracker aisle... it waited until i was kind of distracted with some other tidbit of my life and it casually mentioned that maybe i might want to get a box of wheat thins for my self... just wheat thins. no harm in that really.

i mean, so what if i had a tub of cottage cheese already in my cart. it was purely a coincidence.

everyone knows that cottage cheese, when added to whisked eggs, makes the fluffiest scrambled eggs on earth... and i had been planning on eating the fluffiest scrambled eggs for a while. right?

"totally," said the subtle and scheming laugh

i'm not sure what happened afterwards, because it all seems like a blur now, but the next thing i remember is waking up on my floor with an empty box of wheat thins and a empty tub of cottage cheese with the realization that i was not as strong as i once believed.

friends complain that i don't call anymore. they say i never write them back.

when they come by i casually open my fridge and cabinets, in an offhand way, to reveal a total absence of wheat thins and cottage cheese... little do they know that the wheat thins are hidden in an unappetizing box of pancake mix and the cottage cheese is in an old yogurt tub.

some people may call it a problem, but i don't think i'm hurting anyone. i mean, i can handle myself.

but seriously... i was talking about amorphousness... nebulousness