trusted

sometimes we find ourselves with a lack of trusted individuals... you know?

I know

now... i have to preface this... i have the kind of job where i need to be able to trust my LIFE with the person next to me... but that doesn't mean i need to trust my life with them... if you know what i mean...

quite literally, there are people that i would trust to defend me from those forces out in the world that would love to do me physical harm... and yet, i wouldn't share my personal life with them...

why is that? i mean... that's kind of fucked up... isn't it?

not really.

now, don't get me wrong, i love the guys i work with... i would even put myself in imminent danger on a regular basis if it meant that it would increase the chances that the guy next to me would get home safely...

but...

at the same time, i feel that my personal life is mine alone, and not one to be monitored or recorded or interpreted by any people other than those with whom i entrust it...

and that number is very small.

after all... we only NEED a small audience... above that and people are likely only looking for drama... for the most part, we only need a sounding board... above that and we lose control over what we wish to be out in the open.

strange though, isn't it? that i entrust those around me more with my cardiovascular and neurological state (read biological survival) than with my mental, cognitive, interpretive, and personal manifestations.

fucked up world it is sometimes.