OUT OF TOUCH CONTINUED...

HA!

that relatively buffoonerous act was me hitting send before i was even done. (not like that has ever happened before) although it could have been the doings of THE MAN, being the all powerful entity that it is.

 

so here is the deal. there will be no responses of mine in the comments section... not because i don't wish to respond, but rather because, in my somewhat ethereally-handcuffed state, i am unable to get to the page to respond... so therefore, i will have to respond here:

 

elijah,

i love you too, and i feel your love and support and the love, peace, and harmony that accompany it. i arrived here a just after the new year chimed in to find the land much muddier and a great deal colder than when i last left it. it is a strange thing, this place. it is easy to forget what day it is because i go to work everyday. it's groundhog day in a strangely communist world where everyone is wearing the same clothes and shows up to work at the same time everyday and does the same thing. everyone has health care. everyone has shoes. everyone gets paid about the same. we all live in the same little trailers with two beds and two cabinets and two desk lamps and two bedstands. instead of monday tuesday wednesday, we have curry day, and taco day, steak and lobster day, and chicken cordon bleu day. i measure time by how many pairs of clean underwear are in my cabinet and to a greater extent, how many times i have done laundry. it's a silly little world that i find myself in. yet the silliest thing is that part of me craves this while i am far from here. i will talk to you soon.

 

heather,

love of my love. right now you are navigating the streets of istambul with your walking feet and your looking eyes. how i wish i could be walking at your side with your hand in my hand and your scent in my nose. my feet feel too heavy when you aren't standing on my toes and dancing through the kitchen with your blinding smile. i am jealous of istambul and of all the other strange lands that feel the touch of your toes instead of me.

this is a strange life, and i do not know why i so hunger for things that challenge me. nor can i explain my affinity for contradiction and opposition. i am reading and thinking. i am feeling my way out again and searching for the part of me that i haven't seen since school. i know he is around somewhere.

speaking of school, i ran into a splendid gentleman who also went to santa cruz. it is a strange thing in my world and we both had to admit that we were both the first people that we knew to share that in common. not only that, but we were in the same dorm... we were both residential advisors... and we both had responsibility of the SAME HALL.

we spent all of our middle meal (hard to call it lunch when it happens at 4am) reminiscing about the school and the area and the people and the magically unique environment that we left for this world.

the exchange was a bittersweet, and it helped me remember a little more about who i am.

 

there is a lot of sarcasm and negativity sometimes when one is surrounded by others who are separated from their friends and loved ones for hundreds of days at a time. i endeavor to keep that in check, and to foil the sour emissions from others as i am able. this is a serious work that all these men and women have undertaken, and i pray that they do not forget the little bits that make them individual and beautiful. nor that they forget the implications of their actions, as i endeavor to do.

with all the hurt, pain, disillusionment, and destructive elements in this world, i pray my actions do more to alleviate these things rather than inflame them. my fear is that i will never know.

 

with all of my love,

p